Solace For The Solitary

The End

2007-09-28T14:45:21Z

This is the last time I will post in this journal, except I may at some point make some of my private entries from last year public. At the moment they are just for me, but I hope one day to be able to share everything.

Some say I am a bad person.

Some say I will go to hell.

But today I realised they are wrong. I am not going to hell. This is hell. Hell is here, and I am living it. Nothing and no one can touch me now. There is no hell compared to the hell in my mind. All the fire and brimstone you can threaten me with, I do not fear it. I fear nothing - because I fear everything, and I feel everything. There is no hate and no sorrow that I do not know. Fear me, because you cannot hurt me. You cannot hurt me now.

To all those I loved and all those who looked back in indifference, there is no meaning now. Every word, every glance, fades so small. You are everything and you are nothing. That will never change.

To the ones who tried, and it was not worth it, there is no apology now. There is no erasing the past but maybe if we try we can erase the future and maybe even the hear and now.

To the ones who never even saw at all, there is no freedom now. I will leave this torture but never will you.

This journal kept me alive the past two years. No more. I cannot cling to what I do not know anymore, even when I know it better than ever. To anyone who is reading, this is not a suicide note. I'm a rational person, it's one of my biggest faults, and my rational side knows that these sound like my last words. And they are - but only here.

To finish, I will remind you all of the art of the tarot: You know, if you pick Death... it does not mean death.

It means change.

I am a bad bad poster.

2007-09-16T18:42:37Z

:(

I didn't go back to college.

I have a new psychiatrist... but he was only temporary so next time I go it will be to see ANOTHER new one... gah.

We bought a rabbit and he is my BFF (Best Furry Friend) hehe.

And now we are broke.

What I said, about married life being weird? So true.

I think Lent has passed...

2007-07-25T21:57:44Z

Okay, I'm actually giving up alcohol. Honestly. I need to give my liver a break.

I drank until I was sick on Saturday night. Copiously, copiously sick. Jonas looked after me until we finally fell asleep at about 5 or 6 in the morning, and gave me our nicest bowl to spew into. I shall never eat from it again! :(

We reckon that this time I had about 15 units, or at least that's how much I drank, how much I actually processed is less apparent. But I haven't drunk since - the sight and smell of alcohol makes me kinda queasy, which is probably a good thing.

I'll go back to being wholesome for a while now.

Ahh man, the newsreader just said the headline in one of the newspapers tomorrow is going to be about how British teenagers are more likely to binge drink. Oh, it's shameful, I'm shameful.

Heroes was on tonight (Go BBC2 for buying it - no intervals!) and I like it a lot so far, and I've heard that the first few episodes are not the best, so fingers crossed it'll get even better.

Going now, to not drink.

Ticking The 'Mrs' Box

2007-07-12T15:42:15Z

Okay! So. Stuff. Happening.

We got married on saturday; 07/07/07, which is now apparently the most booked wedding day in history (we don't mention that fur-wearing bint from Desperate Housewives) because it's supposed to be lucky. I think it really was a lucky day - the weather was perfect, the ceremony was perfect (and I managed not to cry! Yay!), my clothes and flowers and our matching shoes and RINGS were perfect, the champagne and meals out we had were perfect... and then it gets a bit too x-rated for this page :D

We also found out on tuesday that our photos are perfect! I will post my favourites when we have the nice quality ones on a CD.

www.katejacksonphoto.co.uk

So in a way everything is the same but also completely different. But we don't, you know, suddenly hate each other or anything like that. It's nice.

And I'm going back to college in september, and repeating a year - so everyone will be EVEN YOUNGER and it will be EVEN WEIRDER that I'm, like, hitched lolz. But I don't even care. I know half the people are going to be freaked out and the other half, mostly girls, are going to be all like OMG HOW TOTALLY ROMANTIC AND CAN WE SEE YOUR RIIIIING?!?!? I'm pretty sure I can deal.

In other news I was very drunk last night. I had a whole bottle of wine, (tee)totalling (well not really. Sorry, bad jokes are a side effect of being married apparently) 9.4 UK units and considering the recommended daily limit for women is 3, I was a bit fucked up. I was sat on a bean bag talking to my mum, which was fine, but then when we hung up I stood up - which was not really fine. We had music on and Jonas's gauge for my drunkenness was how bad my singing was :P Let's just say it took a good few hours for my singing to become bearable. I could literally feel myself forgetting the moments - like when you wake up from a vivid dream and almost immediately you can feel the memory of it slipping out of your mental grasp. The wine was getting nicer the more I drank, but then started to turn nasty, which I think was probably my body's way of telling me to stop. It was a Kumala Western Cape 2006 Rose, which according to their website is a mixture of Pinotage, Merlot, Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon grapes - and overall very creamy and interestingly different.

It was a strange but fun experience. I will repeat it sometime.

And then I woke up really early this morning.

Married life is weird.

YAY

2007-06-25T20:11:29Z

WE HAVE INTERNETS!

WE ARE SAVED!!!

Feel like signing a petition?

2007-06-20T12:41:11Z

It's better than that Bring Back Isaiah Washington petition I saw. Go!

Actually

2007-06-19T18:52:43Z

I do have an excuse this time.

No, really.

See it takes like three weeks for the internet (and phone) to be connected so for a while we have been cut off from the series of tubes that I hold so dear. In fact we still are - right now we are in Amsterdam and using Jonas's family's internet. So you see, you have to forgive me. Maybe.

Our flat is nice now. I would invite everyone round for a party, but I hate parties.

:)

But Pets Are Nice

2007-05-30T18:48:45Z

I had something cool and ranty that I was going to write about, like the other day. But I forgot what it was.

Instead I feel like writing about this pet peeve I have. Had. Probably have, but nobody's tested it recently.

I absolutely abhor it when I have my nose in a book and someone asks what I'm reading. I tolerate it if close friends do this, but anyone else feels the full force of my wrath. I mean, that's just it; I'm reading. I do it, or at least I did it, not just to enjoy a good book, but to escape, and get away from the terrible people with which this world is filled. And hey, if you really want to know, go ahead and peer at the cover. I would vastly prefer that.

Ugh. Dirt would be another one. So, the world is an upsetting place today.

General Ignorance

2007-05-28T17:00:07Z

I'm not going to discuss how I'm feeling today; mainly because I don't know.

I meant to write about this back in February. I'm doing it now so I can throw away the magazine.

That tool Piers Morgan has a column at the back of one of the magazines that comes with the Sunday paper my mum buys. And on February the 8th, he wrote the following:

"Lunch with... David Miliband...
'I'm appearing on Question Time tonight,' the Environment Secretary said as the main course arrived. 'And the turkey scandal is bound to dominate it, which could be tricky.'
'Why are you worried about that?' I asked. 'I think you've handled it pretty well.'
'Ordering the murder of 160,000 turkeys is never as massive crowd-pleaser, is it?' he said."

First and foremost, for those who don't know, the turkey scandal in question was a scare at the Bernard Matthews factory, where some of the turkeys had avian flu, and every resident of the barn in which said turkeys were kept had to be killed.

Secondly, what annoyed me beyond belief about that comment, comments made by the general public (e.g. "Oh, those poor turkeys!" and similar) and the whole situation in general - just a question: What exactly did everyone think was going to happen to the turkeys anyway? Answer: They were all going to be slaughtered on a massive scale, and their flu-ridden carcasses were going to be packaged and sent out to supermarkets where they would eventually end up on your plates and in your childrens' sandwiches, and finally would rot in your colon. Don't even get me started on the fact that, considering the kind of conditions I think it is safe to assume they were kept in, they are probably all better off dead as it is. I would say that I hope they are all happy in turkey heaven, but I'd be (metaphorically this time) slaughtered by all those who claim vegetarians are just too sentimental about animals. You know, the fear of anthropomorphism and so on.

It's people like that who make me glad to be vegetarian. Them and the type like the rude, rude person who wrote to (fashion, mostly) journalist Liz Jones following her split from her husband, and told her, as one of a list of "Ten Rules" not only that cats were "Vermin" but that she should "Eat meat: animals taste good for a reason."

I hope that that bundle of joy of a person rots away from their own inner guilt. I allow myself a giggle at that thought. And the kind and respectful of you all, meat-eating or not, should too.

Fatigue Wave

2007-05-27T16:03:08Z

I reached a bit of a peak last night, and now I'm down. Just a little. And weird... I feel out of it, like I'm floating off somewhere else; I hope it's someplace nice.

It's annoyng when torrents don't work.

My Theory

2007-05-26T20:28:57Z

Life is a tightrope. And it has but one rule: The rope never changes. Not the width, or strength, or taughtness. None of that changes. But most everything else can. People start off fatter, or wider, or with less natural balance. There will always be some, you'll know the types, who have great balance, are light, have a low centre of gravity, and make the journey across without ever tripping or wobbling. And then there's the rest of us. You might have excess baggage to carry (I thought it would be nice to bring in other metaphors!). You might be tied to something or someone else, and be getting pulled out in one direction, or more. You might be like me: Upside down and fucking hanging on like hell.

How easy is it to let go?

Am I just wearing the wrong shoes?

It's really windy at the moment too.

Better, bit by bit?

2007-05-26T19:46:48Z

I've been feeling a little better these past couple of days; the moments of relief are few but sweet, and well worth the wait.

I'm packing. I really should be revising, but I suppose this is important too. It's strange because in a way it doesn't change anything - I calm as I see things going into boxes, but then it seems like more things appear, and I panic again! Oh well, it'll all be irrelevent in a few days. Did I spell that right? (No, that's a worry for the old me).

On that note: I don't want to be smart anymore. I don't care. Maybe I will be a consumer journalist... it doesn't seem like you have to be bright to slap some product on your face and write about it. No offence to consumer journalists or anything. See, I'm thinking about jobs I could do from home, at least primarily, and journalism struck me as a viable option. I write to much anyway, why not get payed for it? Trouble is of course, I have few qualifications, even less experience and no idea of how to go about getting a job. But I feel guilty that all the pressure is on Jonas to make a living for us both, when he's only just getting free of school, it doesn't seem fair on him. So, consumer journalism it shall have to be. Or perhaps I can become an agony aunt, and focus on other peoples' problems instead of my own, for once.

Or maybe I can't do it at all. I suppose I have to be patient and see how it pans out.

*screws up nose* Doesn't sound like me at all.

Follow Up

2007-05-23T23:51:18Z

So now I'm actually seeing another new person who is not a doctor, and that may be a good thing. A bit refreshing. Decent therapy; maybe I won't need ebay anymore.

I have some hope, but really I just miss Su. Maybe I will email her sometime.

I made myself a daily routine, that will be more relevant when Jonas is here permanently (see, you knew it wouldn't be long until I mentioned Jonas, eh eh?). He is coming on the 31st of this month and we are oving in to our own flat! A little ray of sunshine in my dreary world. I will post pictures when we move. Dammit. My M key is being weird and... pressy.

See, I know these three entries could have been one, but really I was always like that.

I'm going now, before the flow of creativity becomes to much for me.

This is therapy and now I have to do it again

2007-05-23T23:45:56Z

What? I don't have anything to say. This is Brockwood all over again. Sitting at the computer all day tap tap tippity tap tap. Happy Feet. Heh.

How can I care so much and be so completely apathetic at the same time? It's so stupid. And I don't care. But I do. Am I bipolar now?

Risperidone: 0.5 mg
Mirtazapine: 15 mg

I started seeing this new psychiatrist this year (nb: for all those not interested, I made all the private entries before new year. I'll sort them some time) and yeah, he may be just as useless as the rest of them. At least he is not Dr.S and doesn't go on about how I should realise I am a very attractive young woman. No, this is Dr.K, who goes on about not much at all really.

So am I bipolar? Could be. Dr.K says something new each week. We have had: Depression (of course); Psychotic Depression (teaching an old dog new tricks really); Social Anxiety; Anxiety Disorder (different, apparently); Panic Disorder (different again! my) and OCD. And they were never heard from again.

I don't really want a diagnosis. Does it help to have one? I don't really care. Haha, those words again. Maybe I have Apathetic Caring Disorder. Maybe I have Making Up Disorders Disorder. Maybe I don't have anything at all. Maybe it makes no difference in helping me.

I have all the symptoms, of everything. I bet anyone reading five bucks that next time it'll be Borderline.

I'm gonna keep writing here, even though I am a place in time where I have nothing to say. Maybe I'll just SWEAR!

Does my life have a title?

2007-05-23T23:36:21Z

Is it a sign of things going wrong if I write in here?

Things are certainly going wrong. All those years that I was depressed and miserable and all emo and wanting to die, I seriously thought that that was rock bottom. I thought that was it.

How stupid can you be.

I'm afraid of everything, including not being able to make it through this. If I know anything I know I can't go on forever in this state. Every second I can feel the cold tendrils of panic rising from my stomach and tightening around my throat, and I can't, I can't breathe. There's no way I can live like this. I think sometimes I want to end it, I want to kill myself; but this isn't me, and it isn't me I want to kill. I want to kill it, rip it from my throat and maybe then it would be gone. It's scary. Nobody ever tells you that the scariest thing is being scared.

Really I'm just praying that the medication will work, provide some kind of relief. Yes, I will put up with all kinds of ridiculous side effects if it means this will stop. It has to stop.

I took two of my general studies papers. I will take my maths papers if it kills me. Haha.

And I will go out. I will. Hey, it may just kill me.

My stupid computer

2007-02-18T15:12:55Z

The headphone socket isn't working properly.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes.

The rest of the time, I either can't hear anything, or even if there are headphones plugged in the sound still comes through the computer's inbuilt speaker (seemingly regardless of whether or not the sound can also be heard through the aforementioned headphones). Also, the sound tends to cut out/go weird in one way or another if I lean on the side where the socket and in built speaker are. Which I do a lot when I type.

I can't afford to pay someone to fix this :P Shit.

Coursework it is then.

Hello

2007-01-04T15:00:18Z

I feel like I'm going downhill now.

You see, it is not strictly true to say I haven't posted on here for months. I have made many private posts for myself, which I may or may not make public - we'll see.

But this says public. And it's very strange. Flexing my hands and flexing my brain feels strange. I feel strange.

But here, just another coping method. I miss something. I don't know. I just have to try.

Bye.

So...

2006-09-09T22:03:46Z

I'm clean.

My room is tidy (enough).

I have nothing important to do.

Except go to school on Monday :/

Oh well, at least I get to wear my new shoes.

I Hate Trying To Think Of Titles

2006-09-05T11:24:23Z

"Experiments with stoned rats suggest that cannabis use reduces the amount of corticotrophin-releasing factor (CRF) in the amygdala."

Jesus. Just smoke it yourselves, how difficult can it be?

I'm still a mess.

Ugggggh

2006-09-05T02:21:13Z

Fuck.

I know it's bad when I get to my third entry of the day.

I'm terrified.

That I can't do this.
Or at least, not without picking up a razor.

Perhaps I shall turn to religion.

:(

That was pointless

2006-09-05T02:10:58Z

Jesus, I need to go to sleep.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now. (So so bad)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses. (I'm supposed to, but I don't.)	✓ I love to play video games.	× I've tried marijuana. (Not yet... muahahaha)
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	× I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (I don't know. Things have changed, but as for me...)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (I used to. Ugggggggh.)

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	× I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	✓ I hate the rain. (But it's better than intolerable heat.)
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now.
× I love sushi. (NOT VEGETARIAN)	× I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
✓ I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	× I have at least one sibling. (Only lonely child, lalalala)
✓ I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. (I don't pick up to strangers, or schoolmates. Or, infact, anyone other than Jonas or my mother.)
× I like the way that I look. (I'm horrible looking)	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. (I'm about to, in a text message :P)	✓ I am usually pessimistic. (Usually? Always)
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	✓ I think prostitution should be legalized. (It's not something I'd ever do, but legalizing it would allow for proper safety measures to be enforced and monitored.)	× I slept with a roommate. (As in, had sex with? Because I mean, I've had roommates, but not in a sexual way...)
× I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends. (Pffft.)
× I have pecked someone of the same sex. (I wanted to :P)	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone. (Only to one person <3)	✓ I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (Hehehehe)
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop.	✓ I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (Hahaha.)	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (Not completely.)
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone. (<3<3<3)	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future. (Noooooooo. Must. Not. Re. Pro. Duce)
× I have changed a diaper before. (I plan on never ever doing that.)	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything. (I'm allergic to Caffeine and White Bread)
✓ I have a lot to learn.	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex. (I'm shy around everyone.)	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. (That's a waste of electricity)
× I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie. (I don't get South Park.)	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends. (I...)	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (Halloween is stupid. All the kids are annoying.)	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	× I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat. (Just left.)	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish. (Not really.)	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger. (I guess I did, in general.)
✓ I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge. (I wanted to. Emo lolz.)	✓ I love sea turtles. (Awwww)
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. (I don't wear makeup.)	× I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	✓ I am proficient on a musical instrument. (2, actually </smug>)
✓ I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state. (Huh?)	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours. (Bright colours are teh suck.)	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays. (Don't know)	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	✓ I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse.	× I still have every journal I've ever written in. (Not every. Some where to painful to keep.)	✓ I talk in my sleep. (:P)
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. (Sometimes... but you can't know really.)	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. (Wine is gross.)	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth. (I like my teeth actually.)
× I hate my toes.	× I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life. (Just as few.)
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	✓ I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses. (I can never decide!)
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke. (Gross.)	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
× Nobody has ever said I'm normal. (I don't remember, and I don't really care what other people say.)	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then. (I cry at everything.)	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (Professional Help is not very helpful.)	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
✓ I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	✓ I'm a judgmental asshole. (Well, maybe just a snob.)	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
✓ I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear. (I would quite like my father to APPEAR. Finally.)	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian. (Libertarianism is cool but, let's just stick with the left thing.)	✓ I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction. (Both equally.)	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles. (Oooh Oooh I want to!)	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish. (The mental image is so funny I want to now... would be a bit smelly though.)
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders. (Not... unashamedly, no :P)	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	✓ I dislike milk. (Milk is disgusting.)	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	✓ Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	× I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document. (That's just stupid.)	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
✓ I do not 'get' most comedy acts. (Particularly British ones, it would seem.)	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	✓ I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car. (Well, where my mum parked the car.)	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years. (Haha.)
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing. (Alone)
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer. (I WILL GET ONE)	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays. (More.)
× I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else. (I wish.)
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	✓ I love playing Truth or Dare. (But I hate it when it's my turn :P)	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long. (Too long :P)
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Avoiding The Really Important Things On My Mind

2006-09-05T01:13:13Z

And talking crap instead.

This was on Psych Central, would you believe.

Heh. It's not as high as my scores for having depression, OCD and an anxiety disorder though. Fail!

Examination(s)!

2006-08-22T00:51:19Z

*Drum roll please*

.
.
.
.

I got an A

hA!

hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA
hAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA

Ah-hem.

I should have taken more. Stupid school fuck ups + my laziness. Oh well.

But now college is being weird about me taking human biology, because... ugh I dunno. We'll see if I can sort it out soon enough.

NOT TO END ON A DOWNER OR ANYTHING :p

Birthdays are such fun.

2006-08-22T00:44:29Z

Shame mine isn't until January. Got that one down in your diaries? :P

Anyway, sorry I didn't post this earlier, I was too worried about the fact the size of the pile of hand luggage I thought I would have to fly home with was the size of my foot (and yes, my feet are quite small). But here we are, backdated appropriately - it is actually early on the morning of the 22nd now. Tee hee.

Oooh nooo, we don't like pictures! I can't believe my hair's gotten that long.

Tasty vegan cake + Artsy photo = Drooooooooooooooooool.

And then his father had to go and dump confetti on Jonas's pretty head. I laughed, but the birthday boy's reaction was a little less friendly...

What pretty flowers!

Golden Temple is yummy! It's such a shame they're closing down.

I think on that note we'll leave it!

Anna and Jonas's Big Day Out

2006-08-03T15:22:20Z

... To central London.